Moon College
New cover for my book by Evan Geltosky. I love it so much.
New cover for my book by Evan Geltosky. I love it so much.
Mira Gonzalez is a powerful young poet whose book I will never be beautiful enough to make us beautiful together is important, and you should read it, immediately. Here is my favorite poem:
what I ate today: coffee, curry vegetable thing from whole foods, plum
I am most comfortable around people who criticize me
I feel like anyone who isn’t constantly criticizing me is lying
or expecting me to be something different
it feels insane that you need money to do things like
develop a drug addiction, or move across the country
I don’t identify as depressed even though I feel depressed
it seems unfair that I only get to feel a finite amount of things in my life lately I have been assuming that dried fruit has more calories than regular fruit
I feel like 400 dead jellyfish in the middle of a freeway
***
Geoffrey Litwack:
Hi Mira
(if you’re there)
Mira Gonzalez:
hey!
im here
Geoffrey Litwack:
Hey!
I was nervous because you have the red away dot next to your profile
But no one I talk to ever marks themselves as available
Mira Gonzalez:
oh lol
yeah i never mark myself as available
too scary
Geoffrey Litwack:
Exactly
SO
I read your book, twice
Mira Gonzalez:
oh whoa
Geoffrey Litwack:
Well, it’s short
Mira Gonzalez:
thanks for taking time out of your life to do that lol
yeah not many pages
still thanks
Geoffrey Litwack:
I loved it
I felt a strong sense of identification even though we are years apart, etc
I wanted to ask you a few things about it, since I had two different impressions
One from each reading
Mira Gonzalez:
oh thats great to hear, glad you enjoyed it
ask away
Geoffrey Litwack:
okay
After the first read I thought about David Berman’s poems
The Silver Jews guy
Because your poems tend to end strong, sometimes using almost a setup-punchline structure
Mira Gonzalez:
damn sweet
i dont think ive ever read david berman
Geoffrey Litwack:
Yeah
I’m not sure if he’s widely read
But but
You said somewhere that you like Haruki Murakami?
Mira Gonzalez:
i do yes
a lot
Geoffrey Litwack:
Me too
So the second time I read the book, the poems almost felt like short stories
Linked stories
Mira Gonzalez:
oh thats interesting
Geoffrey Litwack:
I don’t really have a critical framework for evaluating poetry
I’m a bystander, basically
Mira Gonzalez:
that seems better to me lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
Good!
Mira Gonzalez:
i dont feel like i have a critical framework for evaluating poetry either
Geoffrey Litwack:
Mm
I was reading this Robert Bolano book the other day
and one of the characters is like “that stupid asshole didn’t even know what a rispetto is”
and I was like oh jesus, neither do I
That said
In this poem
when I die you can have my heart-shaped sunglasses
You write
“they told me that trust versus mistrust
is the primary psychological dilemma of early childhood”
That’s Erik Erikson, right?
Mira Gonzalez:
damn i dont think so
or actually
maybe it is
i was taking a child developmental psychology class at the time
we were learning about the psychological dilemmas of various age groups
i have since forgotten the name of every psychologist we learned about
but that very well could be erik erikson
youd probably know better than me
Geoffrey Litwack:
I had to google it
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah im googling it now
i think it was him
Geoffrey Litwack:
I was looking at those psychological dilemmas, though
And you’re 21, right?
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i am
Geoffrey Litwack:
So theoretically you’d be in the “intimacy versus isolation” stage
Mira Gonzalez:
lol yes exactly
Geoffrey Litwack:
Heh
That kind of framed these poems for me
Mira Gonzalez:
interesting huh
yeah thats interesting you say that, feels really ‘nail on the head’
Geoffrey Litwack:
But I feel like almost everyone is in the intimacy versus isolation stage now, even much older people
Yeah I don’t want to put a hat on a hat
Mira Gonzalez:
lol yeah
seems like all people struggle with all stages for their entire life
some of them are just more in focus than others
Geoffrey Litwack:
I agree completely
I only bring this up because your poems seem pretty interested and engaged with philosophical ideas
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i really like philosophy
i was reading a lot of philosophy stuff when i wrote most of those poems, i think
Geoffrey Litwack:
Thank christ
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
I was a philosophy major, I was worried I might be projecting or something
Mira Gonzalez:
lol not at all
i like philosophy a lot
it was probably the subject i have been most consistently interested i n
in*
Geoffrey Litwack:
It comes through
I think that’s part of why I felt so connected to the book
Another strong theme seems like the frustration with the limits of the human body and consciousness
I don’t want to say “you” meaning the voice in the poems
uh
what should I say instead
Mira Gonzalez:
im not sure what you mean, i think
Geoffrey Litwack:
There’s a first-person narration in most of the poems
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah
all the poems are about things that happened to me, if thats what you men
mean*
jesus egregious spelling errors
Geoffrey Litwack:
Oh, okay
no no
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
no worries
Okay, well, I’ll just say you to mean the person speaking in the poems
annnnyway
In the book you seem to want to merge and co-mingle with things and people
Maybe mix your consciousness, or even your atoms
But it seemed like I could feel a real frustration about the impossibility of that
Is that something that was on your mind?
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i think so
or i guess, thats always a subject thats been on my mind, consistently
how were all sort of stuck in the confines of our own skull
and we can think that we feel close to someone, but in reality that is a huge leap of faith
to think that you know what someone else is feeling, or thinking
or to think you know how someone feels about you
were all just guessing and assuming, in the end
feels extremely frustrating to me
but also sort of comforting i guess
Geoffrey Litwack:
Mmm
I was not going to ask about drugs
(or Black Flag)
But is this a reason you take drugs?
Mira Gonzalez:
you can ask about either/both of those things if you want, i dont care lol
yeah i guess
i never really thought about drugs in that context
drugs sometimes make me feel closer to people, but im still very aware of that divide
i think i just take drugs because they make me feel different and good
Geoffrey Litwack:
I guess the classic drug to take to feel emotionally closer to people is ecstasy
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah
i dont feel like i take drugs specifically to get closer to people thoug
if i do mdma its just because i want to feel good, i think
Geoffrey Litwack:
I think the drugs I’ve seen you write about either in the book or on twitter are Adderall, Xanax, cocaine…
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i like those drugs
i like mdma too but i do that way less
mdma seems like a commitment
Geoffrey Litwack:
You have to buy special pants
It’s a whole thing
Mira Gonzalez:
lol what the hell
mdma pants
Geoffrey Litwack:
Rave pants
Oh god i feel so old right now
Mira Gonzalez:
lol holy shit rave pants
thats insane
i cant picture ‘rave pants’
Geoffrey Litwack:
Google image “JNCO”
Mira Gonzalez:
oh my god these are insane
the pockets are huge
Geoffrey Litwack:
Yeah
Everyone who had or could get MDMA wore those pants
Mira Gonzalez:
fuck seriously
that would be so convenient i feel
like you could see someone walking around in those insane pants and know they had mdma
Geoffrey Litwack:
Exactly
You don’t write about LSD, though
Mira Gonzalez:
no, i dont do LSD really
i did it once
if i did it now id probably freak out
(brb one sec you can keep typing)
Geoffrey Litwack:
okay
I guess what I was getting at was that the desire to merge with someone or something, or to be at a different physical- or time-scale re: drugs is something I associate with LSD
But you don’t take it
So it’s just how your brain works
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i dont think that has anything to do with LSD, for me
or any drug really
Geoffrey Litwack:
That’s good
I find that pleasing, for some reason
I think I like the theme so much that it would have been a little disappointing if it were chemically-generated
That’s a weird thing to say
Mira Gonzalez:
lol no i understand i think
i feel like no drug has changed the way i think that significantly
i like drugs because they are a fun thing to do but they dont change my world view
except in the context of seeking out drugs in more situations
or looking at various situations in the context of ‘what drugs can i do here’
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
Right
There was one poem
I think you said was about taking Xanax and drinking and ending up with an old sound guy from The Smell?
Mira Gonzalez:
lol jesus how did you know it was the smell
thats funny
Geoffrey Litwack:
I think you said!
Mira Gonzalez:
did i?
Geoffrey Litwack:
I think
Mira Gonzalez:
that wasnt even in the book that was a story on thought catalog
i think i said a music venue in downtown
Geoffrey Litwack:
Oh, okay
Mira Gonzalez:
are you from LA or something
seems so funny
Geoffrey Litwack:
I’m from Philly but I’ve lived in LA for 12 years now
I’ve been to The Smell
Mira Gonzalez:
oh sweet
Geoffrey Litwack:
My friend’s band was playing
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah that makes sense that you knew it was the smell then
if you live in LA its pretty obvious
Geoffrey Litwack:
I never go out, so for all I know there could be a bunch of music venues downtown
Actually that’s a good segue
Mira Gonzalez:
lol there are
Geoffrey Litwack:
See!
So you’re from Venice, basically?
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah
i was born in an apartment in mar vista
and then i moved to venice with my mom and stepdad when i was really young
like 3 or something
lived there my whole life until now
Geoffrey Litwack:
Were you a never-east-of-the-405 person, or not so much?
I live in the Valley, so our LAs could be totally different
Mira Gonzalez:
oh shit hold on, fire drill at work brb
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
Amazing!
I’ll be here
Mira Gonzalez:
hey sorry
back
Geoffrey Litwack:
No probelm
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah ive never lived in the valley
didnt traverse the 405 hell to go there very often
Geoffrey Litwack:
I like it
Did you go east much, though?
Or mainly stay down by the beach?
Mira Gonzalez:
i mostly stayed by the beach but i went east sometimes
mostly to see bands downtown and stuff
or like echo park
Geoffrey Litwack:
Is music a big influence on your work, or do you listen to music when you write? You mentioned Bright Eyes somewhere, but I’m not sure if that was a sarcastic reference or not
Mira Gonzalez:
i dont usually listen to music when i write
i like music a lot though
i like bright eyes lol
im not sure where i mentioned bright eyes but it proabably wasnt sarcastic
Geoffrey Litwack:
I like Bright Eyes too
Not all the time, but sometimes
What about writers?
It was Tao Lin who suggested I talk to you
His book, I think, will be the best of this year
As awarded by JD Power and Associates
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
yeah i liked it a lot
Geoffrey Litwack:
Is proximity to other writers one of the reasons you moved to New York?
Mira Gonzalez:
for the most part yeah
there isnt much of a writing scene in LA
i had also just lived there for a long time and was starting to feel alienated
Geoffrey Litwack:
Alienated from the place, or?
Mira Gonzalez:
i guess from the people
or
i like a lot of people in LA
i think i was just getting tired of it maybe
Geoffrey Litwack:
Yeah
It’s maybe my least favorite of the places I’ve lived
But now I’m trapped
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
i mean i love LA
but yeah you do get in a trap
i was afraid to get into that trap
maybe thats why i left
Geoffrey Litwack:
Wise
Wise decision
I don’t like new york either, but I get it
The density of good things going on there is incredible
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah definitely
i think with writing stuff specifically its better for me to be here
LA is great but its so spread out and there arent many publishers or anything
Geoffrey Litwack:
Not really, no
I basically gave up writing so it’s irrelevant to me personally, but it’s sad from a cultural perspective
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah i mean
LA has other things going on
LA is great for music
Geoffrey Litwack:
That’s true
Film, etc.
But hey speaking of your move, and density
Is your next book going to be a novel?
Mira Gonzalez:
hopefully
or, im trying to do that
dont hold your breath though its probably gonna be a while lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
Novels are hard!
Especially first novels, there can be a lot of pressure
And the anxiety of influence, if you let that get to you
Mira Gonzalez:
yes absolutely
novels are so intimidating
i definitely want to write one
i like writing poetry but a novel seems more satisfying right now
Geoffrey Litwack:
I want to read this novel
I will be your first Amazon preorder
Mira Gonzalez:
damn sweet thank you
thats like 10 cents in my bank account probably
fucking sweet
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
Depending on the publisher!
Actually, there was one thing I wanted to ask about publishers
I noticed that your book has a Creative Commons license
Was that something sorry house wanted, or something you wanted?
Mira Gonzalez:
i think that was sorry house
i was involved in every step of the book making process but the copyright page was mostly spencer and willis i think
im not entirely sure whats on there to be honest
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
I think it means people can email their friends a copy and not have the NSA break down their door, or something
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
well thats good
i think i emailed you a copy so im glad the NSA wont break down my door
Geoffrey Litwack:
Unlikely
Is this a good place to stop? I’ve gone through what I had in my mira.txt document
Mira Gonzalez:
yeah that works for me
unless you have something else you wanna say
Geoffrey Litwack:
I was actually curious about one thing you said
That your biological dad was trying to kill you
I think you said that in your Vice interview
Mira Gonzalez:
lol
lol
Geoffrey Litwack:
I don’t mean to pry, but that jumped out at me
Mira Gonzalez:
my biological dad read that and said i should have said something funnier
Geoffrey Litwack:
NOW’S YOUR CHANCE
Mira Gonzalez:
lol oh god
too much pressure
cant….
Geoffrey Litwack:
Just kidding
Mira Gonzalez:
it was mostly just poking fun at my dad i guess
Geoffrey Litwack:
Okay
I can cut that!
Mira Gonzalez:
haha
no its fine you can leave it
i put it in the vice interview
Geoffrey Litwack:
Okay
I’ll put this whole thing up
It’s been a pleasure talking to you
Mira Gonzalez:
you too geoffrey
Books
Words
WTB
Tao Lin is the author of at least two wonderful books (2/2 for the ones I’ve read), Eeeee Eee Eeee and his most recent, Shoplifting From American Apparel, which you should go buy right now; it’s one of my favorite books I read this year, easily. A few days ago, I won an eBay auction for a 30 minute conversation with him on Google Chat. Here it is. (We went a little bit over on time.)
—
me: Hi Tao, I’m here if you’re ready
Tao: hi geoff, i’m ready
me: outstanding
Tao: is your last name ‘litwack’
me: Yes
Tao: hehe, nice
thought it was something about ‘literary’ wack or something
me: ha ha
no, family name
Tao: interesting
me: i believe it’s from the original name for belarus
which is ‘litwa’
Tao: interesting
me: but who knows
i have a name question for you
Tao: ok
me: is your first name
with a D sound?
Tao: no, T
me: I see
ok
i thought so but wasn’t sure
Tao: i’m ‘down’ with D
me: mm
Tao: what do you want to talk about?
me: i have prepared questions
a few
Tao: sweet
me: after
i would like you to give me some life advice
Tao: ok
me: and then if we have time we can have a free form discussion
Tao: sounds good
me: also, feel free to ask me questions
Tao: ok
where are you?
me: first question
oh i’m in LA
the valley
Tao: nice
me: it’s ok
Tao: ok, first question
me: your current age
Tao: 26
you?
me: 30
i don’t feel 30
Tao: what do you feel
me: i feel 17
and have for the past 13 years
Tao: interesting
i feel 60 sometimes
me: yeah
but that’s how i felt at 17
old
Tao: damn
how old did you think i was
me: i thought you were 25
i knew you were young
Tao: i have turned 26
me: what’s your birthday?
Tao: july 2
me: i see
i’m june XX [Nb. redacted; this is the only thing in this conversation i edited except for one stupid spelling error on my part]
so, close
Tao: interesting
me: i may censor this on my blog in the interest of online security
Tao: online security, in what way?
me: it’s a security question, your birthday
for banking
etc
Tao: oh, interesting
i don’t mind
me: i sound jewish, huh
Tao: i think i used my mother’s maiden name for security questions, or something
me: yeah, that too
Tao: i don’t anticipate having money that people can steal anyway
me: aww c’mon
you are going to do fine
i know it’s been a struggle so far
Tao: hehe
what other questions do you have?
me: ok
i want to get the literary stuff out of the way
i’m not a journalist or something
so these are personal sort of
first
i read Shoplifting
that was your first work i encountered
i was v. impressed by it
Tao: interesting
me: my thought was
i’m going to use your single quote marks here
‘this is what i thought literature was going to be like in 2010, in 2000.’
Tao: ’jesus’
me: sorry
Tao: interesting
me: then i used amazon prime to get e.e.e.
which i strongly disliked for 20 pages, and then loved
Tao: hm, interesting
me: i initially misunderstood your intent
Tao: what did you think my intent was at first
me: assuming i correctly understood it after those 20 pages
crude postmodernism
Tao: i see
me: in a reactionary way
Tao: hm
me: given that postmodernism is now a dated form
Tao: how did you first ‘encounter’ ’sfaa’
me: good question
on the web
ah
rex sorgatz
Tao: where
me: Fimoculous
Tao: who is that
me: blog
he’s an old, old school blogger
Tao: i’ve never heard of that
me: awesome dude
fimoculous.com/
Tao: how old is he
me: 35ish?
Tao: nice
what did he say
me: he mentioned it
i believe he knew of you from before somehwo
somehow
Tao: i see
me: he’s from minnesota
friends with diablo cody, chuck klosterman
that set
Tao: is he famous?
me: no
Tao: or seomthing
me: he’s more of a connector
Tao: a connector
me: rex, if you read this, i apologize if i have mischaracterized you
Tao: interesting
me: so anyway
Tao: rex
me: your work reminds me most of certain french writers
Tao: interesting, who
me: Toussant, Robbe-Grillet and the Perec of “Things.”
Not Houellebecq, as some have said
Tao: hm, i’ve read some of perec
me: i love Perec
not his later oulipo work
i mean, i love that but you don’t remind me of it
Tao: does he have an afro
me: kind of actually
he’s dead
Tao: ’why’?
how did he get an afro, i mean
me: jewish
jewfro
Tao: oh yeah
i see
me: um
do you think of your work in the context of other writers?
Tao: i’ve read half of a houllebecq novel
me: which one?
Tao: i don’t remember
where he goes on vacation
me: oh uh
atomized
Tao: and doesn’t ‘connect’ with the other people
me: or whatever they call it here
Tao: then i think he has sex with prostitutes
me: yeah, lots of sex
Tao: i view my work as in the tradition of the ‘kmart realists,’ as they were termed by tom wolfe and others
me: but on the main point
this calvino idea of your book on a shelf with other books
Tao: yes, the group of writers called ‘kmart realists’ by journalists
me: okay
so you identify with them
ann beatie etc
Tao: do you know them at all
yeah
me: not all of them
Tao: i just like their writing and have been influenced by it in my writing
me: that’s good
i am going to read them more extensively
Tao: i recommend ‘chilly scenes of winter’ or ‘distortions’ by ann beattie
and ‘honored guest’ by joy williams
me: great
i will order those
Tao: nice
me: okay
this is my next question
about single quote marks
Tao: yes
me: i pretyped this so i’m just going to paste it in
Tao: hehe, ok
me: Your use of single quotation marks – my thought is you use them to sort of designate mind-watching-mind objects of what the buddhists call rigpa/vidya, to remove the reader from the flow of absorbtion and call their attention to the nature of a ‘cheeto’ or whatever. Or a feeling; ex. in your Twitter stream you write “found my ipod cord, ‘lightheadedly’ felt feelings toward it like it had been ‘disobedient’”.
It seems like you’re trying to strike at something cognitive, not something anthropological.
do you agree with any part of that?
Tao: good job quoting my twitter
me: thank you
Sent at 12:14 PM on Wednesday
Tao: it seems like what you typed could be one thing i’m doing
me: okay
Tao: i would say i’m not calling attention to the nature of a word, but calling attention to my ‘relationship’ with the word
me: and we intuit the nature of this relationship from context?
obviously i guess
Tao: that i’m using said word ‘not literally,’ ‘with a definition different than the conventional definition,’ or that i’m ‘using the word with some degree of irony or sarcasm,’ or that i’m ‘taking a perspective different than my normal perspective for a moment, therefore “quoting” the word, from someone else’s perspective, that i assume the reader will know, to some degree’ (i think my use of single quotes isn’t consistent in this paragraph)
me: i see
okay
thank you
Tao: for example i feel uncomfortable using non literal language sometimes
me: me too
Tao: so i put quotes around it, so people know i feel uncomfortable, to some degree, using that language
so they can know ‘who i am’ better
me: that discomfort is magic
Tao: so we can ‘connect’ more effectively
for example if i read someone’s blog and they had a lot of non literal language or idioms i would feel less connceted to them, and less inclined to contact them to be friends with them
me: i don’t know if you read my blog
Tao: but if they put quote marks around some of those idioms i would feel closer to them, and might want to contact them or something
me: did you feel it was literal or non literal?
Tao: i read some of it
i think neutral
me: mmm
that is fair
Tao: i didn’t immediately label it literal or non literal, so maybe it was literal
based on what i read and the level of thought i used re what i was reading
me: isee
space
i’m a screenwriter
Tao: i saw your review of ‘the girlfriend experience’
me: being literal and shaving descriptions is v. important to me
Tao: did you say you didn’t feel it was substantial?
me: sort of
yes
Tao: interesting
me: i liked her performance
however
Tao: would you say then that ’sfaa’ isn’t substantial, as they both ’stay on the surface’ of things
me: no
SFAA is very substantial
Tao: interesting
me: in part because of your use of time
Tao: i se
e
me: girlfriend experience shies away from film tropes
which one level is good
but on another, limiting
Tao: what are you working on screenplay wise right now?
me: the spec i wrote with my little sister
we’re going out to studios with it next week
Tao: how old is she?
me: 23
Tao: sounds exciting
what do you expect to happen
me: i expect to make $32000 after taxes
join the wga
and write another spec with her
Tao: wow
me: not wow, Tao!
Tao: don’t have ‘need’ to get an agent though
me: i have an agent
Tao: and the agent tries to sell it
oh, nice
damn
me: i’m at CAA
blowing my own horn
Tao: nice
me: thank you
Tao: i’ve made like $18000 in 6 years
me: but uh
Tao: on writing
me: i know
i was going to ask you about that
Tao: aren’t people supposed to be trying to option my books for movies
and paying me money
me: yes
but
your work is not adaptable, of the two i read
Tao: damn
me: that’s what makes it good, in part
Tao: i see
me: if you want to write a film, write a film, but don’t write something as bait for adaptation
Tao: seems like someone in hollywood should still be optioning my books
me: you are too talented for that bullshit
Tao: ’just to be safe’
me: perhaps
many options are for $0
Tao: ben stiller or someone
i see
me: his company is Red Hour
he has been working on an adaptation of Civillwarland In Bad Decline for ten years
TEN YEARS
Tao: damn
me: yeah
Tao: what is he working on
me: with civilwarland, or in general?
Tao: civilwarland
me: getting the script ‘just right’
Tao: i see
me: to make it commercial
Tao: interesting
me: we have four minutes
i have many more questions
fuck
Tao: i can stay a little longer
me: okay
Tao: what is your next question
me: your IQ
i read it was 172 or something
Tao: haha damn
me: did you say that, or was that a cruel dig
on the part of someone else
Tao: i think it wasn’t about me
it was someone’s IQ in a book or something
i think my IQ was tested at 139 or something
me: i see
Tao: i didn’t speak english
well
or osmething
me: jesus
Tao: so it might not be accurate
me: that’s a good result for no english
i’m sure not
Tao: what is your IQ
me: it was tested when i was four
Tao: al gore’s IQ is 142
me: so i am sure the multiplier fucked things up
i may still be the world’s smartest four year old
155
Tao: damn
were you in the ‘gifted’ program
me: i am not that smart
no, i didn’t go to school
Tao: you didn’t go to school
me: i was homeschooled
Tao: i see
me: i left home when i was 16, though
Tao: i think i used to view people by their IQ, now i view people based on how well adjusted they are and how concretely they view things
me: exactly
Tao: which seems not on the same spectrum as IQ
me: totally
Tao: or not entirely on the same spectrum
me: i prefer the new way
also, no one talked about asperger’s in the 80s
which i feel like is when iq was a popular measure
Tao: interesting
hm
what is your next question?
me: next
do you know Andrea Seigel, my BFF?
Tao: hm, the name seems familiar
me: i think you may have exchanged email in 2007
Tao: ill search my gmail
me: ok
Tao: oh, is she a writer
of ‘like the red panda’
me: yes
Tao: oh, cool
i read that book
i see she emailed me saying she liked my ‘the stranger’ article about fiction writers
i didn’t know that was her
me: oh, i see
Tao: how is she doing
me: not well frankly
personal family reasons
otherwise fine
Tao: how is her career going
me: Well
she just signed with UTA
Tao: what is that
me: her junior adult book is coming out
another big film agency in la
Tao: interesting
how old is she?
me: 29
turning 30 this year
Tao: interesting
me: we went to school together
although we were not friends there
she thought i was a stupid stoner
Tao: bennington?
me: i thought she was a weird goth
no, brown
Tao: she was a goth?
hehe
me: she got her mfa at bennington
Tao: i think i remember her looking goth in her author photo
me: she’s not goth now
on the outside
Tao: damn
me: i consider myself to be kind of a goth, inside
Tao: damn
me: although not with the victorian trappings, at all
Tao: interesting
goth
me: i read your thing about juggalos
Tao: gothic
me: they’re kind of like degraded goths
Tao: haha
degraded goths, damn
me: goths without a philosophy
Tao: what is the origin of the term ‘juggalo’
seems weird
me: i don’t know
Tao: jugs
me: floridia must be involved
Tao: seems really weird
seems good, though
there seem to be ‘millions’ of them
me: yeah
Tao: seems weird
what is your next question
me: next
are there any visual artists you admire
Tao: hm
i don’t think so
i don’t know of any really
me: mmm
that’s fine
Tao: i like graphic novels by adrian tomine, chris ware, daniel clowes, jeffrey brown, joe matt, chester brown
me: i have read all of those authors
Tao: julia wertz
me: her i don’t know
Tao: who is your favorite
me: hard to say
i am moved by current art that
i would understand if people don’t like
kaws
neckface
Tao: i see
me: marc dean veca
Tao: i don’t really feel ‘moved’ by anything that doesn’t have language, i think
even music, i feel
me: even music?
wow
Tao: maybe
i’m not sure
me: i remember crying to neutral milk hotel
Tao: if it has lyrics that counts as ‘language’ for me
me: i see
Tao: i feel moved by music with lyrics
me: i have been moved by non-lyrical music
Tao: what is your next question
do i seem ‘mean’
me: i wonder if you know my ex-girlfriend
no!
not at all
Tao: who is she?
oh, good
me: Nathalie Chicha
Tao: oh, damn
me: she lives in brooklyn
you live in brooklyn
Tao: i’ve never met her but i emailed a few times
me: really
Tao: let me serach my gmail
me: what did you talk about?
Tao: i think i was trying to get her job
as blogger for galleycat
me: at gallycat?
ah
Tao: and then one time i was interviewing her
for my journalism class
me: i see
i thought you might know her, even though i had no basis for that thought
Tao: damn, seems like everyone knows everyone
me: i am waaaay out at the fringe
Tao: i think i read a short story by her one time on ‘xconnect’ or something
me: she’s a talented writer
i wish she wrote more
Tao: what is she doing now
me: i don’t know
i keep trying to get in touch with her, and she keeps not answering my email
Tao: damn
me: nothing bad happened
Tao: is she on the internet still
me: she can just be avoidant
no
apparently not
Tao: danb
damn
interesting
me: i still love her
not romantically
Tao: damn
me: however
i promised to love her always
Tao: what is she doing, if she has left the internet
me: and i am keeping that promise
i honestly don’t know
i know what her last job was, but i don’t know if she still has it
Tao: seems like she must have moved to a foreign country, or become a school teacher or something, to leave the internet
me: she left a while ago
abandoned her blog
Tao: hm
how long did you date her
me: three years almost to the day
Tao: i just googled her and she has a tiwtter
me: does she?
wow
Tao: with no tweets though
me: oh
Tao: are you fb friends with her
me: yes
Tao: interesting
does she just add anyone
me: i don’t know
Tao: or allow anyone to be her friend
me: i’m sure she’ll add you though
Tao: ’guess i’ll add her’ since i clicekd her page and am here
me: good idea
Tao: 3 years, seems like a long time
me: it was my longest relationship
Tao: hm
did you live in brooklyn then
me: no
this was at college
then she moved to iowa to get her mfa and i couldn’t hack it
Tao: interesting
damn
me: although we were basically breaking up before then
Tao: i’ve known all the poeple you’ve asked me if i knew
me: yes
Tao: interesting
me: but i’m out of people
Tao: seems like everyone just knows eveyrone
do you have more questions
me: advice
i know this is running on
three things, if you have time
Tao: i have time
me: while we’re on the topic
how should i find a new girlfriend?
Tao: hm
internet
i’ve found my girlfriends on the internet
my answer seems to be ‘internet’
me: through your work, or institutional sites?
i don’t see you on okcupid
Tao: my blog
and work
i haven’t used any ‘institutional’ things
me: i am blogging wrong
Tao: people i know have used those effectively, i think, though
me: okay
Tao: craigslist
me: really? that i find frightening
Tao: what other advice do you want
me: you are extremely productive
five books in very few years
Tao: i would avoid craigslist, i feel
me: how do you stay so productive?
do you have ‘tips?’
Sent at 12:46 PM on Wednesday
Tao: i think by naturally not having urges to ‘hang out’ with people, not having a tv, not having a personal or laptop computer for a long time (only library), and almost always wanting to ‘feel more sad’ or ‘analyze it more’ (causing ‘work’ to be produced) when feeling sad instead of ‘blocking it out’ by drinking alcohol or forcing myself to sleep
me: that is amazing
Tao: and when i have a girlfriend i feel satisfied in terms of ’social life’ with just the girlfriend
me: i see
Tao: so i spend all my time away from them ‘working’
me: i understand
Tao: what is your third item of advice
me: what do you do when you feel anxious, to overcome it?
Tao: hm
in social situations i just keep feeling anxious most of the time
while alone i don’t really feel anxious
me: you don’t feel anxious alone no matter where you are in the world?
Tao: maybe sometimes i’ll think about ‘death’ and ‘the arbitrary nature of the universe’ and i’ll feel more calm/detached
me: that makes sense
Tao: if i’m in an anxiety causing situation, like being late to meet someone, i just think that if i focus on the anxiety it will just create more problems, so if i want to be more effective in solving my problem i should logically ‘choose’ to not feel anxious, and that usually works to some degree
me: you are more advanced than i am in that respect
but that is good advice
Tao: well, it doesn’t usually work probably
i’m not ‘zen’ at all, in my view, i get frustrated and annoyed a lot, it seems
me: mm
in my mid 20s, i lost most of my anger
that was a real loss
Tao: hm
me: so maybe the frustration is good
Tao: i think i don’t have any anger at all
i don’t know
hm
me: i just meant that maybe things we characterize as ‘negative’ can sometimes be ‘positive’
Tao: do you have other questions?
i see, that makes sense
me: only if you are satisfied with this transaction
Tao: yes, i am very satisfied, how about you?
me: from the sale, to the execution of the conversation
very satisfied
Tao: i see your bid as a sort of donation to me, of which i thank you for
and i’ll link the gchat if you post it, gaining you hits
me: yes, thank you
Tao: i enjoyed talking to you
seems interesting re andrea/nathalie
me: yes
they’re both amazing
in their own ways
Tao: i completely forgot about them both
but remember knowing a lot about each sort of at one time in the past
seems interesting
i am ‘holding in’ a lot of pee right now
me: okay
go!
but
Tao: thank you for bidding on the gchat and for chatting w/ me
me: i want to say, i count myself as a true fan of yours and
anxious await the next book
Tao: oh, good
thank you
me: i will now friend you on facebook and post this to my blog
Tao: will check your blog periodically, i feel
me: wonderful
Tao: have a nice day
me: you too Tao
